Deep Breath.
Okay.
Anyone who knows me very well knows that Peter Pan is my favorite fictional story/movie of all time. In fact, Tink is my nickname to some very special people in my life. I have always loved the idea of a possible place where you can re-invent yourself, where pirates become manageable to a degree, and clapping brings your loved ones back to life.
Mermaids in lagoons.... Friendly Native allies..... Secret tree house hideaway..... and Pixie Dust?
Sign me up for sure!
I sat on my small back porch last night with a heart ache that wouldn't budge no matter how much clapping I could have mustered.
Just a short while earlier we had the most stunning heat lightning streaking across the sky, the likes of which would have had even old Hook shaking in his boots. I could imagine Peter perched atop our house with his sword raised to the sky just daring the lightning to a duel....
.... and in my mind's eye, the face on Peter was the face of Robin Williams.
Something about a grown-up Peter Pan who had forgotten his true identity really hit me like a brick the first time I ever watched Hook. Lots of things about that particular slant on Peter Pan found a special place in my heart, and I was instantly engaged.
The baby in the pram who had accidentally been separated from his mother by a storm... The kind Pixie who rescued that baby and took him someplace far away from the dirty city streets where she found him... The longing in the eyes of the young Peter as he felt, more than remembered, a need for home, for family, for love.
I can still see the transformation from stressed-out to ready-to-crow. The relentless and brutal training and retraining in hopes of remembering how to fly.
And that incredible moment where the feast became visible..... then BANGERANG!!
Self-proclaimed tomboy, mother of 3 sons and 2 very strong girls, I enjoyed every second... I do even still.
Sweet old Wendy with her faith in the Nightlights, Toodles with his misplaced marbles, and Liza with her explosive giggles and grizzly bear hugs.
It's a happy place for me. It's been a happy place for my kids.
Robin Williams was able to bring Peter to life in a way that I don't believe anyone else could. He had that ability to become the character so seamlessly. When he was terrified of flying I believed him. When he was angry about the financial deal that fell through I believed him. When he barked his demands at Hook to have his children back I believed him. And when he found himself out in the rigging unable to save them, I believed him too.
I know there must have been people in Robin's private life who believed in him. I know that he wanted to be free of his addictions and illness by the evidence of him having reached out for help so many times. I know that he was gifted in ways that so many people ever dream of, and that he battled a darkness that wore him so thin he apparently felt he couldn't wage war one more day.
I come from a family where suicide has left a permanent crater in our family tree. Like lightning hitting the bark of an already weak Redwood, the shape of the tree (if it survives at all) is forever changed. I have heard stories of the event since I was small. They haunted me in my adolescence and at the same time wormed their way into my mind as a possible solution to the deep pain I experienced in those years.
I am a survivor of attempted suicide.
I understand the despair that grips you until you feel as if you can't move forward one more inch. I know the thoughts that come like incessant pitch dripping on your windshield day after month after year and nothing you try will take it off. I have felt the brick wall at the end of every substance or habit I tried to use to escape the pain and feel any kind of normal. I know the struggle of grappling with genetic predispositions that push you toward the edge and disable any possible coping mechanisms. I have battled health issues that effect emotional well being and survived side effects of a prescription drug that began to take me apart at a cellular level, literally.
Mental health issues are alive and real. They aren't something to be taken lightly. They also aren't something that can be dealt with as an isolated symptom. Mental health is part of a complete picture. The issues are: Spiritual, Chemical, Biological, Physical, Nutritional, Medical, and Relational. Mental Health cannot be addressed on it's own. It must be seen as part of a whole. Our bodies were made to work as one unit, our brains are directly effected by our diet, our habits, our circumstances, and our beliefs.
I have finally found relief from the plague of depression and anxiety that followed me for so many years. I am humbled and grateful beyond any words that the Lord has led me in a path that finds me in a wide open place of freedom in Him and of health that I didn't really believe I could have.
But I remember the battle, bear the scars of the attacks, can still remember the tightness and despair... and my heart aches for Robin Williams and all those who loved him.
In that moment on my porch last night I prayed for his family and friends. I prayed for anyone I know of that is struggling with depression or addiction. The heaviness was as tangible as the electricity in the atmosphere around our house and the forest behind. The storm had left the wilderness silent, not even a tweet or cricket could be heard. I imagined silence in Heaven when a soul has forever stopped searching for Hope. I closed my eyes and let my head hang just breathing in and out... and then the rain came.
Not a sprinkle, not a shower. Big, wet, heavy drops. The kind that would soak you in 30 seconds if you stood in it.
I let it wash over me fully knowing that Jesus understands sorrow and I mourned the loss of this father. This husband. This funny, passionate man that has touched my heart in such a whimsically personal way.
If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts please reach out, please tell someone. If you have reached out and what you're doing to cope isn't working, TRY SOMETHING ELSE. There is a way out. There is ALWAYS Hope. Jesus will never give up on you, never. He is our Ultimate Peter flying to our rescue, battling the evil Hook, and setting us free....
If you need resources please message me, or comment below. I will do my best to help.
There is no shame in needing help.
You are never too far.
There is always a way home.
RUN HOME Jack. RUN HOME.
I love you all because I have been so very loved.
~Tink
Okay.
Anyone who knows me very well knows that Peter Pan is my favorite fictional story/movie of all time. In fact, Tink is my nickname to some very special people in my life. I have always loved the idea of a possible place where you can re-invent yourself, where pirates become manageable to a degree, and clapping brings your loved ones back to life.
Mermaids in lagoons.... Friendly Native allies..... Secret tree house hideaway..... and Pixie Dust?
Sign me up for sure!
I sat on my small back porch last night with a heart ache that wouldn't budge no matter how much clapping I could have mustered.
Just a short while earlier we had the most stunning heat lightning streaking across the sky, the likes of which would have had even old Hook shaking in his boots. I could imagine Peter perched atop our house with his sword raised to the sky just daring the lightning to a duel....
.... and in my mind's eye, the face on Peter was the face of Robin Williams.
Something about a grown-up Peter Pan who had forgotten his true identity really hit me like a brick the first time I ever watched Hook. Lots of things about that particular slant on Peter Pan found a special place in my heart, and I was instantly engaged.
The baby in the pram who had accidentally been separated from his mother by a storm... The kind Pixie who rescued that baby and took him someplace far away from the dirty city streets where she found him... The longing in the eyes of the young Peter as he felt, more than remembered, a need for home, for family, for love.
I can still see the transformation from stressed-out to ready-to-crow. The relentless and brutal training and retraining in hopes of remembering how to fly.
And that incredible moment where the feast became visible..... then BANGERANG!!
Self-proclaimed tomboy, mother of 3 sons and 2 very strong girls, I enjoyed every second... I do even still.
Sweet old Wendy with her faith in the Nightlights, Toodles with his misplaced marbles, and Liza with her explosive giggles and grizzly bear hugs.
It's a happy place for me. It's been a happy place for my kids.
Robin Williams was able to bring Peter to life in a way that I don't believe anyone else could. He had that ability to become the character so seamlessly. When he was terrified of flying I believed him. When he was angry about the financial deal that fell through I believed him. When he barked his demands at Hook to have his children back I believed him. And when he found himself out in the rigging unable to save them, I believed him too.
I know there must have been people in Robin's private life who believed in him. I know that he wanted to be free of his addictions and illness by the evidence of him having reached out for help so many times. I know that he was gifted in ways that so many people ever dream of, and that he battled a darkness that wore him so thin he apparently felt he couldn't wage war one more day.
I come from a family where suicide has left a permanent crater in our family tree. Like lightning hitting the bark of an already weak Redwood, the shape of the tree (if it survives at all) is forever changed. I have heard stories of the event since I was small. They haunted me in my adolescence and at the same time wormed their way into my mind as a possible solution to the deep pain I experienced in those years.
I am a survivor of attempted suicide.
I understand the despair that grips you until you feel as if you can't move forward one more inch. I know the thoughts that come like incessant pitch dripping on your windshield day after month after year and nothing you try will take it off. I have felt the brick wall at the end of every substance or habit I tried to use to escape the pain and feel any kind of normal. I know the struggle of grappling with genetic predispositions that push you toward the edge and disable any possible coping mechanisms. I have battled health issues that effect emotional well being and survived side effects of a prescription drug that began to take me apart at a cellular level, literally.
Mental health issues are alive and real. They aren't something to be taken lightly. They also aren't something that can be dealt with as an isolated symptom. Mental health is part of a complete picture. The issues are: Spiritual, Chemical, Biological, Physical, Nutritional, Medical, and Relational. Mental Health cannot be addressed on it's own. It must be seen as part of a whole. Our bodies were made to work as one unit, our brains are directly effected by our diet, our habits, our circumstances, and our beliefs.
I have finally found relief from the plague of depression and anxiety that followed me for so many years. I am humbled and grateful beyond any words that the Lord has led me in a path that finds me in a wide open place of freedom in Him and of health that I didn't really believe I could have.
But I remember the battle, bear the scars of the attacks, can still remember the tightness and despair... and my heart aches for Robin Williams and all those who loved him.
In that moment on my porch last night I prayed for his family and friends. I prayed for anyone I know of that is struggling with depression or addiction. The heaviness was as tangible as the electricity in the atmosphere around our house and the forest behind. The storm had left the wilderness silent, not even a tweet or cricket could be heard. I imagined silence in Heaven when a soul has forever stopped searching for Hope. I closed my eyes and let my head hang just breathing in and out... and then the rain came.
Not a sprinkle, not a shower. Big, wet, heavy drops. The kind that would soak you in 30 seconds if you stood in it.
I let it wash over me fully knowing that Jesus understands sorrow and I mourned the loss of this father. This husband. This funny, passionate man that has touched my heart in such a whimsically personal way.
If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts please reach out, please tell someone. If you have reached out and what you're doing to cope isn't working, TRY SOMETHING ELSE. There is a way out. There is ALWAYS Hope. Jesus will never give up on you, never. He is our Ultimate Peter flying to our rescue, battling the evil Hook, and setting us free....
If you need resources please message me, or comment below. I will do my best to help.
There is no shame in needing help.
You are never too far.
There is always a way home.
RUN HOME Jack. RUN HOME.
I love you all because I have been so very loved.
~Tink
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