I am prone to worry.
There, I said it.
As someone who thinks a lot, and I mean A LOT... my mental train can jump it's tracks and be on the treacherous slope of worry in short order if I don't keep my thoughts in check.
Daily.
Sometimes minute by minute... or second by second.
There is someone in my life that I love with every drop of my blood, every beat of my heart, every cell... and that person is so broken. So wounded and struggling.
It's gut wrenching.
If I dwell on that circumstance without including the Lord in the equation I begin to sink into the quicksand of hopelessness.
I found myself sinking just recently.
My praying was more like begging:
"Lord, I'd give up this or that.... or stop this or that.... or do this or that.... if only you'd step in and do something!!"
I was literally on the verge of hysteria in the most silent way possible as we sped down the highway. Thankfully it was dark and our youngest son was asleep in the back seat.
I was biting the inside of my lip to keep from violently weeping.
The sensation was like my own flesh and blood heart being ripped ever so slowly right in two...
Then I heard His reply:
"I did do something. I did it all. I gave it all, my very life, for the one you weep over. I am doing something, right this very moment, trust me. Trust me."
And the tears came...
I cried the tears of relief that always come when I remember Whose I am... Who is in control...
When the voice of the Lord speaks truth that clears the heavy darkness and lets the fresh air of His love in.
What a gift to me.
So I thanked Him, and prayed a prayer placing this precious one back at His feet.
I read this quote a few days later and it has been on the merry-go-round of my thoughts ever since:
Yeah.
I've been mulling that over for 2 weeks, and I'm sure I'm not done yet.
My thought life is always borne of my beliefs.
Always.
When I first read the quote I asked myself:
"Do I really believe that God won't get it right with this person?"
I didn't like my answers.
Fear is an ugly, mean, strangling task master.
I lived under it's whip for most of my life.
For the past several years I have experienced greater and greater freedom from it's grip.
It's really more like an annoying pest most days.
But when it comes to this person I can almost hear the crack of that whip again.
Do I really believe that God won't get it right with this one?
Really?
NO. I really don't believe that.
I believe that He will win.
That in the end, even if it is long and excruciating, He will be Lord of ALL.
Just as He is now.
There is no one, nothing, outside His vision.
No person beyond His grasp.
No pain greater than His comfort.
And no trespass greater than His sacrifice.
Not one.
I believe that.
All of it.
My own life is proof of it.
My prayer now goes like this:
Lord, I believe that you will get it right with this person that I love. Please help me to trust you more and to obey your promptings. Thank you that your love is greater. Amen
The quote is posted in a very visible place for me to remember what I'm reinforcing when I choose to worry.
So the next time I hear something alarming, have a bad dream, am alone in the quiet with hard memories and nagging regrets....
I will choose to believe He is who He says He is.
I will choose to believe that He will do what He says He will do.
Will you?
There, I said it.
As someone who thinks a lot, and I mean A LOT... my mental train can jump it's tracks and be on the treacherous slope of worry in short order if I don't keep my thoughts in check.
Daily.
Sometimes minute by minute... or second by second.
There is someone in my life that I love with every drop of my blood, every beat of my heart, every cell... and that person is so broken. So wounded and struggling.
It's gut wrenching.
If I dwell on that circumstance without including the Lord in the equation I begin to sink into the quicksand of hopelessness.
I found myself sinking just recently.
My praying was more like begging:
"Lord, I'd give up this or that.... or stop this or that.... or do this or that.... if only you'd step in and do something!!"
I was literally on the verge of hysteria in the most silent way possible as we sped down the highway. Thankfully it was dark and our youngest son was asleep in the back seat.
I was biting the inside of my lip to keep from violently weeping.
The sensation was like my own flesh and blood heart being ripped ever so slowly right in two...
Then I heard His reply:
"I did do something. I did it all. I gave it all, my very life, for the one you weep over. I am doing something, right this very moment, trust me. Trust me."
And the tears came...
I cried the tears of relief that always come when I remember Whose I am... Who is in control...
When the voice of the Lord speaks truth that clears the heavy darkness and lets the fresh air of His love in.
What a gift to me.
So I thanked Him, and prayed a prayer placing this precious one back at His feet.
I read this quote a few days later and it has been on the merry-go-round of my thoughts ever since:
Yeah.
I've been mulling that over for 2 weeks, and I'm sure I'm not done yet.
My thought life is always borne of my beliefs.
Always.
When I first read the quote I asked myself:
"Do I really believe that God won't get it right with this person?"
I didn't like my answers.
Fear is an ugly, mean, strangling task master.
I lived under it's whip for most of my life.
For the past several years I have experienced greater and greater freedom from it's grip.
It's really more like an annoying pest most days.
But when it comes to this person I can almost hear the crack of that whip again.
Do I really believe that God won't get it right with this one?
Really?
NO. I really don't believe that.
I believe that He will win.
That in the end, even if it is long and excruciating, He will be Lord of ALL.
Just as He is now.
There is no one, nothing, outside His vision.
No person beyond His grasp.
No pain greater than His comfort.
And no trespass greater than His sacrifice.
Not one.
I believe that.
All of it.
My own life is proof of it.
My prayer now goes like this:
Lord, I believe that you will get it right with this person that I love. Please help me to trust you more and to obey your promptings. Thank you that your love is greater. Amen
The quote is posted in a very visible place for me to remember what I'm reinforcing when I choose to worry.
So the next time I hear something alarming, have a bad dream, am alone in the quiet with hard memories and nagging regrets....
I will choose to believe He is who He says He is.
I will choose to believe that He will do what He says He will do.
Will you?
