I received some news today that carried with it a certain amount of stress.
The news wasn't altogether shocking, but it was unwelcome for sure.
I heard the words, took a deep breath, and then began to pray and feel the myriad of emotions that come at stressful times, all at once.
It wasn't pretty.
My body doesn't seem to know what to do with stress. My head tries to give instructions, my heart believes all the right stuff, but my body.... well, it just doesn't listen.
And life? It just keeps going.
House cleaning, dog feeding, football practice chauffeuring, teenage parenting, they all still demand the same amount of attention.
Don't they know that my world just changed and my body's freaking out??
I found myself in a local grocery store a bit dizzy.
Not fun.
My husband and I had been in communication all day, texting some... talking some... and we decided to go to our parents for prayer and discussion, (always a good idea in our case), praying with them helped and I left a bit lighter than when I arrived.
But it didn't last long. Am I human or what?
I climbed back on that roller coaster of emotions and began to feel pretty ill again. I asked to drive down some scenic roads instead of the usual ways home, so we did. No relief. I bought some coconut chocolate ice cream. No relief. I tried to think about the positive aspects of this news. No relief. I talked about how I was feeling with my husband. No relief.
I was miserable.
I felt mislead. Disappointed. Lied to in a way. I felt angry and sad and ridiculous for feeling all this stuff.
At home I gravitated toward normal comforts... prayer, pups, comfy couch. I chatted with a few trusted gals online.... and kept praying.
Then I asked the Lord for a new perspective....
...AND BOOM.
He changed it alrighty.
I had opened a tab that held links to all kinds of good stuff on another blog I frequent, but I had never returned to look at the links... much less click on them and really take them in.
The Lord immediately drew my attention to one link and it was as if he moved the mouse over the link and clicked it for me. As the page opened I saw two people in hospital chairs hooked up to IV's. I recognized the body types... Cancer.
The photo journal that followed was pictures of the author's parents who had been both diagnosed at the same time with stage 4 cancer. He with pancreatic, she with breast cancer.... again.
I held my breath.
This has been a week of breathless moments for sure.... watching my middle son who not so long ago had five and a half hour cardiac surgery walk onto the field for his first high school football practice in our town... reading the news of a fellow home school mama of four precious little children whose 31 year old daddy and sole provider was killed by a hit and run driver... hearing our news that changes our world some... and then this.
These beautiful people married 34 years facing the meth-infused demon called Stage Four Cancer.
The photos were not incredibly recent, the husband had lost his battle with pancreatic cancer, but they are incredibly perspective altering.
I can't really help the way my damaged auto-immune disease ridden body reacts to stress, but I can choose how I filter it. What my attitude will be. Where I turn for wisdom and support. Who I trust. I have choices about how I handle the things that I didn't choose. The things I focus on and the way I react are mine to claim.
I looked at one of the photos and soaked in the smile of the wife as the husband did a funky dance move to get her to grin.... Her resolute and regal expression as she was being fitted for a new wig... Taking turns driving to treatments while the other slept in the back seat...
But the one that really got me, even beyond the photo of her mastectomy scar, was the one of their embrace. She so bald and thin, he bearing scars from countless treatments.... holding each other come what may. I'm not sure what the mood was, or the moment that spurred the photographer to capture it... but it caught me. I gazed at it a long while appreciating their willingness to share the heartbreaking intimacy of such commitment and compassion in the face of such a relentless enemy.
My shoulders softened. My breathing slowed. The permanent wrinkle between my eyebrows got a little less etched.... and I looked again at our news...
It's hard news for us sure, but COMPARED TO WHAT?
I asked and I received.
Maybe you did too.
See the photo journal here>>> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/17/cancer-family_n_4455720.html
Help the mom with her 4 sweet kids here (her husband did really just die yesterday) >>> http://www.gofundme.com/dbo2mw
Proverbs 3:5-6
James 1:27
Jesus be all you need and so much more.....
The news wasn't altogether shocking, but it was unwelcome for sure.
I heard the words, took a deep breath, and then began to pray and feel the myriad of emotions that come at stressful times, all at once.
It wasn't pretty.
My body doesn't seem to know what to do with stress. My head tries to give instructions, my heart believes all the right stuff, but my body.... well, it just doesn't listen.
And life? It just keeps going.
House cleaning, dog feeding, football practice chauffeuring, teenage parenting, they all still demand the same amount of attention.
Don't they know that my world just changed and my body's freaking out??
I found myself in a local grocery store a bit dizzy.
Not fun.
My husband and I had been in communication all day, texting some... talking some... and we decided to go to our parents for prayer and discussion, (always a good idea in our case), praying with them helped and I left a bit lighter than when I arrived.
But it didn't last long. Am I human or what?
I climbed back on that roller coaster of emotions and began to feel pretty ill again. I asked to drive down some scenic roads instead of the usual ways home, so we did. No relief. I bought some coconut chocolate ice cream. No relief. I tried to think about the positive aspects of this news. No relief. I talked about how I was feeling with my husband. No relief.
I was miserable.
I felt mislead. Disappointed. Lied to in a way. I felt angry and sad and ridiculous for feeling all this stuff.
At home I gravitated toward normal comforts... prayer, pups, comfy couch. I chatted with a few trusted gals online.... and kept praying.
Then I asked the Lord for a new perspective....
...AND BOOM.
He changed it alrighty.
I had opened a tab that held links to all kinds of good stuff on another blog I frequent, but I had never returned to look at the links... much less click on them and really take them in.
The Lord immediately drew my attention to one link and it was as if he moved the mouse over the link and clicked it for me. As the page opened I saw two people in hospital chairs hooked up to IV's. I recognized the body types... Cancer.
The photo journal that followed was pictures of the author's parents who had been both diagnosed at the same time with stage 4 cancer. He with pancreatic, she with breast cancer.... again.
I held my breath.
This has been a week of breathless moments for sure.... watching my middle son who not so long ago had five and a half hour cardiac surgery walk onto the field for his first high school football practice in our town... reading the news of a fellow home school mama of four precious little children whose 31 year old daddy and sole provider was killed by a hit and run driver... hearing our news that changes our world some... and then this.
These beautiful people married 34 years facing the meth-infused demon called Stage Four Cancer.
The photos were not incredibly recent, the husband had lost his battle with pancreatic cancer, but they are incredibly perspective altering.
I can't really help the way my damaged auto-immune disease ridden body reacts to stress, but I can choose how I filter it. What my attitude will be. Where I turn for wisdom and support. Who I trust. I have choices about how I handle the things that I didn't choose. The things I focus on and the way I react are mine to claim.
I looked at one of the photos and soaked in the smile of the wife as the husband did a funky dance move to get her to grin.... Her resolute and regal expression as she was being fitted for a new wig... Taking turns driving to treatments while the other slept in the back seat...
But the one that really got me, even beyond the photo of her mastectomy scar, was the one of their embrace. She so bald and thin, he bearing scars from countless treatments.... holding each other come what may. I'm not sure what the mood was, or the moment that spurred the photographer to capture it... but it caught me. I gazed at it a long while appreciating their willingness to share the heartbreaking intimacy of such commitment and compassion in the face of such a relentless enemy.
My shoulders softened. My breathing slowed. The permanent wrinkle between my eyebrows got a little less etched.... and I looked again at our news...
It's hard news for us sure, but COMPARED TO WHAT?
I asked and I received.
Maybe you did too.
See the photo journal here>>> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/17/cancer-family_n_4455720.html
Help the mom with her 4 sweet kids here (her husband did really just die yesterday) >>> http://www.gofundme.com/dbo2mw
Proverbs 3:5-6
James 1:27
Jesus be all you need and so much more.....
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