"My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Ever had a moment where you're listening to a song you've heard a thousand times, or reading a book you've read since Jr. High, or watching a movie that you know WORD FOR WORD and a line hits you sideways and out comes a whole heap of connections and thoughts that have been floating around in your head disconnected until that very moment?

Yeah, me neither.

Okay wait...

That very thing totally happened to me last night as we were watching The Princess Bride with a group of staff and volunteers from Camp.

I literally have the entire movie memorized.

I'm pretty sure most of my kids do too.

Anyway, while half-watching the movie last night, (I had my grandson Bradley here and he's just too cute to give ALL my attention to anything else...), I heard that familiar line in that familiar scene where Inigo finally slays the 6 fingered man... 

"My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

He had a life mission to avenge his father.

The passion in his face is unmistakeable.

The pain too.

He just wants his father back.

I can relate.

I won't go into painful details of my past with my father, but I will say that I grieve for what never was and never will be now that he is so very ill with neurodegenerative disease.

There has been redemption in the midst of it all, and I know my father loves me and he knows I love him... but it just isn't, and hasn't been, a fairy tale in any form.

I was angry for a long time.

Angry at him. Then angry at God. Then angry at me.

Then I gave it all over to the Lord and asked him to take the anger away.

And He did.

I have peace now in that same place that the anger lived in, and I also have a whole lot of fire and determination about certain things.

Things like nutrition and neurology and mental health and fertility and chronic disease and epigenetics and wholeness..... and how all of it is so intricately connected.

I get pretty long winded and stand on a fairly large soap box when I talk about it all...

Consider yourself warned.

It's huge.

The implications are so far reaching no one really understands it all...

But I have already seen miraculous results in my own family... in my own life... in me.

I'm not exactly sure what the process was that has led to my father's neurological degeneration, or his father's suicide, or my years and years of depression/anxiety/ADD... but I do know that I'm closer.

I'm living proof.

If our bodies aren't getting what they desperately need to function properly, to heal as they were made to, then what can we expect?

Degeneration on every level.

And you don't have to wait until your 70's to see it.

I started experiencing health issues as a small child... a toddler.

I've prayed and prayed about what the Lord would have me do to help as many people as possible to be free from similar issues. To have bodies and minds that function as closely as possible to what He intended.

And you know what?

He answered.

So...

I'm pursuing my certification as a Master Holistic Nutritionist, amongst other certifications, and I am so thrilled to see what the Lord is going to do with all of this!

I've been researching on my own for years so a lot of the information is familiar.

(Those of you who know me well are not shocked at all I'm sure...)

He really does use all of the little nerdy quirks that make me who I am...

The only intimidating parts are the weight of my Anatomy and Physiology Book and my time management skills....

So if you feel led, pray about those!!

I know that He is in all the details, and that He will provide for every possible need in this.

Just imagine, if people could think properly not controlled by their emotional state gone awry... If anxiety and depression and ADHD were all but gone... If there were less heart disease, stroke, Parkinson's, dementia, the big C.... If autistic people could be helped in ways that were thought impossible...If so many miscarriages were a thing of the past.... If addiction was a word we had to look up.... If we could serve Him and our families all that much more because we could function properly...

The Enemy's playground would be a whole lot smaller in our homes. 

It's totally possible.

And not too far away.

If you are someone that prays, please pray for me as I move forward.

This is what I was born for, I feel it in my bones.

Isaiah 61:1

John 10:10

Denouncing Disappointment

I'm done being disappointed.

There, I said it.

One definition of disappointment is: "the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations."

Sadness.

Displeasure.

Nonfulfillment.

I've had sleepovers with these three more often than I would care to recount.

'...one's hopes or expectations.'

I think therein lies the real issue.

Where do I place my hope?

And what do I expect in any given situation, from any relationship, from myself?

Disappointment is a real destination. There's no debate about that.

But my pattern has been to set my watch, my calendar, my thoughts, my attitude, maybe even my GPS to the melancholy metronome of disappointment.

It's not that I'm not qualified to be disappointed.

I've got a laundry list longer than some of reasons why I should wear the Dismally Disappointed jersey...

Divorce
Disease
Rejection
Awful Choices
Awful Consequences
Pain
Lots of Pain....

And wear it I did, for a LONG time... far too long.

Number 75, that's me.

40 years of reasons to dwell in disappointment.

But I'm not gonna do it anymore.

The prefix "dis" means, 'to utterly reverse, to negate'.

And the word "appoint" is defined as, 'to name or assign to a position'.

Who or What have I allowed to utterly negate my position?

What is my position anyway?

As a follower of Jesus I am positionally loved, positionally clean, positionally forgiven, redeemed, restored....

Positionally hopeful in things that never change.

Like Heaven

Like Hope

Like Jesus' outstretched hand that never shrinks back regardless of my circumstance.

New Question:

Who or What can utterly negate my position?


The only right response is this:

No one

and

Nothing.

If I have been appointed by God Himself, who never changes, then there is nothing and no one who can change his decision.

Period.

Now back to Disappointment being a real destination.

Our definition said that disappointment is a 'feeling' that involves sadness or displeasure.

I agree.

Disappointment is most certainly a feeling.

And feelings are real to be sure.

But what  I have found is that feelings are good at taking direction.

Taking direction from our choices and focus.

I spent a lot of years making choices based on my feelings only to find myself in a constant merry-go-round of nauseating consequences for myself and everyone around me.

But one day while in a deep valley of illness I had the realization that my choices dictated my feelings. Making choices based on my feelings was like trying to keep catching the same soap bubble I had blown and recycling it endlessly... they just aren't made to work that way.

And neither are we.

It works like this:

Our beliefs dictate our thoughts.

Our thoughts dictate our attitudes.

Our attitudes dictate our choices.

Our choices dictate our feelings.

Our feelings dictate our behavior.

And our behavior dictates our circumstances.

Whew.

Feelings come in on the list WAY down the line, which is really good news.

It means that we have a lot we can do about what kind of feelings we have and how much they affect us.

This is AWESOME news for me.

My feelings had been such a horrid slave driver because they had been allowed to be out of the order of command.

Like a young dog in a pack that suddenly finds himself the Alpha Male... He doesn't have what it takes to really do the job well.

Neither do my feelings.

Disappointment wasn't meant to be at the helm.

My beliefs are.

Better yet, Who I place my belief in is...

Captain Jesus.

So away with you Disappointment!!

I am only temporarily REappointed at best...

Appointed to pray, to love, to hope in the One who has appointed me in the first place.

Denouncing Disappointment....

Join me?