"My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Ever had a moment where you're listening to a song you've heard a thousand times, or reading a book you've read since Jr. High, or watching a movie that you know WORD FOR WORD and a line hits you sideways and out comes a whole heap of connections and thoughts that have been floating around in your head disconnected until that very moment?

Yeah, me neither.

Okay wait...

That very thing totally happened to me last night as we were watching The Princess Bride with a group of staff and volunteers from Camp.

I literally have the entire movie memorized.

I'm pretty sure most of my kids do too.

Anyway, while half-watching the movie last night, (I had my grandson Bradley here and he's just too cute to give ALL my attention to anything else...), I heard that familiar line in that familiar scene where Inigo finally slays the 6 fingered man... 

"My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

He had a life mission to avenge his father.

The passion in his face is unmistakeable.

The pain too.

He just wants his father back.

I can relate.

I won't go into painful details of my past with my father, but I will say that I grieve for what never was and never will be now that he is so very ill with neurodegenerative disease.

There has been redemption in the midst of it all, and I know my father loves me and he knows I love him... but it just isn't, and hasn't been, a fairy tale in any form.

I was angry for a long time.

Angry at him. Then angry at God. Then angry at me.

Then I gave it all over to the Lord and asked him to take the anger away.

And He did.

I have peace now in that same place that the anger lived in, and I also have a whole lot of fire and determination about certain things.

Things like nutrition and neurology and mental health and fertility and chronic disease and epigenetics and wholeness..... and how all of it is so intricately connected.

I get pretty long winded and stand on a fairly large soap box when I talk about it all...

Consider yourself warned.

It's huge.

The implications are so far reaching no one really understands it all...

But I have already seen miraculous results in my own family... in my own life... in me.

I'm not exactly sure what the process was that has led to my father's neurological degeneration, or his father's suicide, or my years and years of depression/anxiety/ADD... but I do know that I'm closer.

I'm living proof.

If our bodies aren't getting what they desperately need to function properly, to heal as they were made to, then what can we expect?

Degeneration on every level.

And you don't have to wait until your 70's to see it.

I started experiencing health issues as a small child... a toddler.

I've prayed and prayed about what the Lord would have me do to help as many people as possible to be free from similar issues. To have bodies and minds that function as closely as possible to what He intended.

And you know what?

He answered.

So...

I'm pursuing my certification as a Master Holistic Nutritionist, amongst other certifications, and I am so thrilled to see what the Lord is going to do with all of this!

I've been researching on my own for years so a lot of the information is familiar.

(Those of you who know me well are not shocked at all I'm sure...)

He really does use all of the little nerdy quirks that make me who I am...

The only intimidating parts are the weight of my Anatomy and Physiology Book and my time management skills....

So if you feel led, pray about those!!

I know that He is in all the details, and that He will provide for every possible need in this.

Just imagine, if people could think properly not controlled by their emotional state gone awry... If anxiety and depression and ADHD were all but gone... If there were less heart disease, stroke, Parkinson's, dementia, the big C.... If autistic people could be helped in ways that were thought impossible...If so many miscarriages were a thing of the past.... If addiction was a word we had to look up.... If we could serve Him and our families all that much more because we could function properly...

The Enemy's playground would be a whole lot smaller in our homes. 

It's totally possible.

And not too far away.

If you are someone that prays, please pray for me as I move forward.

This is what I was born for, I feel it in my bones.

Isaiah 61:1

John 10:10

Breaking the Silence... with Love...

It's been months since I've written anything here.

There's lots of reasons for that. Some good, some just... reasons.

The Holidays are always heavy for me, always.

Heavy with memories of hard times, good times, bittersweet times.

Heavy with heart ache.

Heavy with grief.

Grief that is growing instead of lessening as time moves on.

Heavy with schedules, and performing, and gifts... and food.

(Food is another blog for another time... oh yeah.)

Holiday time is heavy with the weight of sacrifice and gratitude for Jesus life, and death.

And at the close of the Holiday season, at least for the last several years, comes severe health issues.

Apparently my Auto-Immune Disease doesn't like the heaviness of the Holidays...

Last year at about this time I was in Scripps Hospital in San Diego.... they were ruling out a possible stroke or heart attack.

Not Good.

This year, I recognized the change in my biological weather before it hit hurricane status and we caught things before they were completely out of control again.

I mean, they were out of control for sure, but not to the degree that I needed to be in the hospital.

(Photo Credit: My 13yo son, The Squid)

So off for lots of testing.

And now we wait.

I can't count how many times my life has felt out of control.

My choices out of control.

My eating out of control.

My family out of control.

My reactions out of control.

My circumstances out of control.

And then it hit me...

My Saviour is never out of control.

He is always, ever, continually in control.

And peace rushes in like fresh air on the Oregon Coast...

I can rest in Him because He knows it all.

He knows how all this started, where it's going, and how it ends.

If I quiet myself to spend time with Him he gives me insight into how to navigate these waters and assures me that He is with me all the while.

His banner over me is love... even if I'm laid up in bed with bones that don't know what they want to do, or not do.

It's an interesting life for sure, full of way more good than bad, living with auto-immune disease and other health issues that really like to give me a run for my money... But I know this more than ever, that He is TRULY in control. That He loves me and wants the very best for my life, even if it doesn't look that way to me... especially if it doesn't look that way to me.

Gratitude washes off the grime of years spent focusing on elaborate lies cloaked in fear.

The Lord has built a step ladder out of thousands upon thousands of daily love gifts to me that allows me to peek over the wall of health issues... and the view is stunning.

I'm surrounded by miracles.

I don't have to look far and I see them, talk with them, walk around in them, hold them in my arms, watch them play football, listen to their coos as they nod off to sleep on my lap....

Jesus has been so good to me, good for me, good around me.

He is so good. 

I'm thankful for His guiding hand, His light for this path, His healing here or There... For Him.

For His endless love gifts all along the way.

And for opening my eyes to see them.

Life gets heavy for sure, but it never outweighs His love.

Never.