Internal Leprosy...

Sick as a dog...

Who came up with that term anyway?

I mean, I've seen plenty of dogs sick. And for the most part they still wag their tails and recover fairly rapidly... So long as it isn't something terminal.

Definitely sad...

But cats?

Cats on the other end are GNARLY when they're ill, at least in my experience.

Especially with respiratory stuff... The wheezing, the coughing, the runny eyes and bubbling mucous from their teensy nostrils....

Gnarly.

I'm currently sick.

Caught a bug from my sons and it's running it's course through my head and joints...

 Not necessarily gnarly, but it got me thinking...

My husband read a devotion to me a few mornings ago about Jesus and the Leper.

Leprosy is gnarly.

Gruesome.

Debilitating.

Isolating.

A person with leprosy in Biblical times was marked.

Commanded to cry out 'Unclean!' as they made their way through the streets to warn others of their approach.

Hopeless.

As a girl who scored a 12 out of 12 concerning touch as my Love Language, the thought of being ostracized and untouchable makes me shudder.

As my husband read the devotion he was noticeably moved. He could relate to the feelings expressed by the author.

The shame.

The horror.

The disconnectedness.

The ridicule.

Painful doesn't really do it justice...

Leprosy starts out painful but results in numbness.

Deadness.

Irretrievable loss.

What begins as a wound ends as a gaping vacancy.

There is an innate inability to heal.

We always pray after we do our devotions and that morning wasn't different.

As he held my hand I was grateful for his touch in a new way.

But as he prayed he said something that pierced me....

"Lord, I can't begin to comprehend what it would be like to be a leper. But I do know what it's like to feel shame. To feel marked. To feel disconnected. To struggle daily. To live with internal leprosy in desperate need of a Healer..."

Internal Leprosy...

What started out as a wound now numb and rotting,

or maybe even just gone.

Oh it rang through the halls of my heart and found so many places to land!

I too walked so many years with the internal dragging of emotional and mental limbs.

The rot of sin and it's consequences eating away at the beautiful gifts the Lord so carefully placed there.

The injury of abuse, divorce, addiction, unforgiveness, envy, selfishness...

And in my mind always the echo of  "Unclean... unclean.... unclean..."

On the outside, however, everything looked pretty great...

The to-do list was checked off.

The smile was intact.

The house was reasonably clean.

The obligatory duty to God and man was in order...

But inside?

Rotting.

My husband and I know that all too well...

The exhaustion of constantly covering up...

And finally the admittance that we desperately needed the Healer.

The Leper in Matthew 8 went in search of Jesus,

1 "When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him.² A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."

He approached Jesus...

in a large crowd.

Do you think that he was crying out 'Unclean!' as he moved in that crowd?

Or do you think that the had carefully bundled himself so that nothing showed, making sure not to let anyone get too close, planning each movement with meticulous care to assure he wouldn't be identified as...

Grotesque

Unacceptable

A lost cause

Beyond help?

I tend to think the latter...

It's my opinion for sure, but it fits the image that Scripture paints for me.

Jesus would have been the focus of the crowd.

The Leper knelt before Him.

I'm thinking the Leper was right in the middle of it all...

And how many of us are right in the middle of it all?

The middle of ministry

The middle of chronic illness

The middle of grief

The middle of parenting

The middle of mental illness

The middle of loss...

No one is immune.

We're all in the middle of something.

But I guess the question is: 

Are we in the middle with Jesus?

The Leper believed that the Jesus could heal him if He was willing...

And this was Jesus' response:

³ Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.

"I am willing."
 
 Jesus is compassionate to depths that are unfathomable to us.

He was willing and the Leper was cleansed immediately!

I understand the heaviness of trying to make sure that my internal leprosy is covered so that I'm not identified in negative ways.

I understand the numbness that results from years of rotting wounds that eat away at mental, emotional, and spiritual nerve endings.

Jesus does too.

He knew that the wounds on the heart, mind, and soul of the Leper were in even more dire need of healing than his eroding body.

And He was willing to cleanse them all.

He has done it for me...

And He has done it for my husband.

As we continue to come across areas that fester we kneel before Him and say:

  “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

And He is.

Push through the crowds in your careful wrappings if you must.

Plan your steps meticulously and keep others at a distance if that's where you're at.

But make your way to the feet of Jesus.

Come in all your wounded, rotten, numbness.

Ask Him for wholeness, for cleansing, for healing.

Jesus is still about the business of healing leprosy of all kinds.

Even yours...




 

The most beautiful thing I have ever seen...

Junkie to Jesus Follower

Lunatic to Lover of God

Rebel to Restored

Sick with Sin to Saturated with Salvation...


It's all about Redemption.


I've said it a hundred times, and I will say it a thousand more... Redemption is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

I can't even begin to comprehend that the Creator of EVERYTHING would care enough to make a way for me to be right with Him. That He would give up his most precious creation ever, His only Son, for me to have hope and healing and life forever...

I think sometimes as people we walk into a church or a group of other people and we compare our insides to everyone else's outsides.

It's a game you can never win.

I picture a woman on a church stage singing with the worship band. She walked into church that morning with a nice looking husband and a couple of older kids. They sit up near the front and are friendly with the people around them. The pastor greets them with familiarity when he arrives at their row. They seem to have been a part of this congregation forever, they have friends at every turn and are involved in several ministries....

What people don't know is that the woman is a survivor of severe abuse. That she used to be a drug addict, struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression since childhood, battled eating disorders and insecurities, and really only came to know her true identity in Jesus in her mid thirties.

They have no idea that her husband was in bondage to crippling sin for most of his adult life, that he went through a divorce that made him wish he were dead, and that his business that flourished for several decades has barely had a pulse for over a year.

No.

They see the redemptive work of Jesus. The love and joy that only come from His touch on a life that has been reduced to ashes.

They see Grace.

I know this couple so well because the woman and her husband are us. My husband and I.

I see other examples of the Lord's awesome redemption frequently in other people's lives and I am always tempted to write about them. But today during the Sunday morning message the Pastor said this, "When we are blessed we should do two things: First we should thank the Lord for the blessing and next we should ask him how we can share the blessing with others."

Now, I know that we are blessed to be a blessing, that's something I believe wholeheartedly, but this impacted me in a whole new way. Having attended one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been a witness to last evening, redemption was fresh on my heart. The bride is a dear friend of mine and her story of redemption is nothing short of a miracle. The Lord pulled out all the stops to bless the wedding of she and her husband. His grace was tangible in the air and the work of the Cross was declared in such an amazing way.

It was Redemption at it's most precious, most beautiful.

The Lord brought to mind my own redemption story and the story of my husband. It is a huge blessing for sure to be free of so many chains that bound us both for so long. It is something that should be shared. His redemptive work goes on and on, reaching into areas that we weren't even aware of. He is thorough, patient, and kind.

I used to be one of those people that would walk into an event and compare my insides to everyone's outsides. I was miserable. I couldn't ever make up for my assumed deficits. I always left feeling more insecure and inferior than I had when I came.

The problem?

I didn't really know who I was.

I had bought the lie, FOR MY WHOLE LIFE, that my circumstances... my choices... my appearance... the things I had survived... my family or lack of it, defined me. It's an impossible burden to bear, a maddening mirage to try and chase. The idea that anything we do, or that can be done to us, defines us... is just that: A lie.

If we are in Christ, then we are absolutely and utterly defined by who He is and what He does.

The circumstance of the Cross defines me. His patient endurance of unimaginable abuse defines me.  His choice to die the death of a criminal in my place defines me. His appearing after being laid in the tomb defines me.  His Love, and the Love of the Father defines me.

I am Holy because He is Holy.
I am Loved because He is Love.
I am spotless because of His precious blood.

I am redeemed because He is my Redeemer.

I hope there never comes a day when I am not utterly awestruck by the beauty and miracle of redemption.

It would mean not recognizing the fingerprints of the Redeemer Himself.


"...who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion... "
 Psalm 103:4

Forever Grateful ~